Jeff Posted April 4, 2019 Author Share Posted April 4, 2019 oh, and when it is written out................... it looks really big, but when we are just doing it, doesn't seem that big of deal, just time consuming...................... 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Administrators Clunkmeister Posted April 4, 2019 Administrators Share Posted April 4, 2019 I just saw this Jeff, as I'm having a problem logging on to the website at my house. Jeff, I'm at a loss for words other than to somewhat echo Smitty's comments in that being able to have the time to catch up, relive the glory days, and say goodbye is a true Blessing for you both before he's called Home. Praying for y'all, Jeff 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jeff Posted April 4, 2019 Author Share Posted April 4, 2019 1 minute ago, Clunkmeister said: I just saw this Jeff, as I'm having a problem logging on to the website at my house. Jeff, I'm at a loss for words other than to somewhat echo Smitty's comments in that being able to have the time to catch up, relive the glory days, and say goodbye is a true Blessing for you both before he's called Home. Praying for y'all, Jeff Thanks Ernie...... I appreciate the kind thoughts..... like I say, I know I'm not the first and probably won't be the last, and it is nothing that most of you guys have not already done..... there was a quote Cathy found the other day, it said " They have lived without 'us' but we haven't lived without them", I never thought of it that way, but it has a ring of truth..... and I know most of you guys know, but holy , at the moment, it sure seems like Cathy and I have precious little time for us, and we 'still' haven't had a chance to go for her birthday dinner.... that was last October, and my b/day slipped by as well, so I think there may be a dinner ahead of us before too much longer.... I really don't want to lose sight of 'us' serving all the others, BUT we would NEVER let the others down..... so we will happily wait our turn.... thanks for letting me unload guys...... knowing ya'll here makes it ok... 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
harv Posted April 4, 2019 Share Posted April 4, 2019 Jeff, I know it's hard to do, but you and Cathy need some me time. Need to recharge your batteries. Not saying a vacation "yet" but go to dinner, have a drink and a laugh. Your care for your parents will be better and you we be better yourself. Bev and I went through about the same. First her mom, who died from the big C, and then both my parents. It is one of the hardest most loving thing you will do in you life. Need to vent, PM me buddy 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GusMac Posted April 4, 2019 Share Posted April 4, 2019 Hang in there Jeff and just remember it isn't personal. My mother-in-law has been declining with vascular dementia for the last five years and is now in care. I've known her for the best part of 30 years and for the first 28 I never heard her swear once. BUT boy is she making up for it now!! If it wasn't so sad it would be hilarious some of the things she says now, all filters gone, it just comes straight out! My kids just don't know quite how to deal with their sweet ol' grandma sounding like some gangsta rapper! 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jeff Posted April 4, 2019 Author Share Posted April 4, 2019 2 hours ago, GusMac said: Hang in there Jeff and just remember it isn't personal. My mother-in-law has been declining with vascular dementia for the last five years and is now in care. I've known her for the best part of 30 years and for the first 28 I never heard her swear once. BUT boy is she making up for it now!! If it wasn't so sad it would be hilarious some of the things she says now, all filters gone, it just comes straight out! My kids just don't know quite how to deal with their sweet ol' grandma sounding like some gangsta rapper! Yeah, the filter is gone here as well, I got my butt chewed today from her for getting fall protection, man the resistance and push back for trying to do the right thing, and only motivation is for safety, and health is unbelievable, it is VERY hard not to take it personally, and I'm trying..... but holy....I just don't understand the anger, seems today there is nothing that is good or right, part of the problem with my mom, she has NEVER been in the hospital, last time was to have m,e and that was March 5 1958, and that is NO lie, so she is way out of her comfort zone, and that is the biggest thing....... thanks guys, your notes and stories are most helpful...... 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bomber_County Posted April 6, 2019 Share Posted April 6, 2019 So here is a classic from my parents. We recently lost our last cat after 18 years. We haven’t been on holiday for 10 years and the holiday before that was 10 years earlier. So unfortunately not having the furry friends to look after and a number of other reasons, we have just booked our first holiday. Then bang my father announces that the day we go away is the day he is having his pancreas removed. His 89 for ##### sake.......he had chance to pick the day but he had to pick that day........of all days when we have booked and paid for our second holiday in 20 years.........give us strength....... 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GusMac Posted April 6, 2019 Share Posted April 6, 2019 Tough one Phil. Hope you can get it changed or something. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jeff Posted April 7, 2019 Author Share Posted April 7, 2019 20 hours ago, Bomber_County said: So here is a classic from my parents. We recently lost our last cat after 18 years. We haven’t been on holiday for 10 years and the holiday before that was 10 years earlier. So unfortunately not having the furry friends to look after and a number of other reasons, we have just booked our first holiday. Then bang my father announces that the day we go away is the day he is having his pancreas removed. His 89 for ##### sake.......he had chance to pick the day but he had to pick that day........of all days when we have booked and paid for our second holiday in 20 years.........give us strength....... Aw ........... damn Phil................ sorry to hear that, we have the same sort of thing, that goes on here in our home, makes a guy wonder if it might have been done on purpose? No disrespect to your father, but I am seeing Cathy's and my parents become VERY selfish in their later days here.... and VERY demanding, almost to a point where I have to really bite my tongue, and not say anything, and we, like you are sacrificing a LOT to be here to help out, and some days it seems they just don't give a shat, as long as THEIR needs are met...... I haven't been any further than 30 miles from my home in over a year and a half..........Cathy and I steal away for a couple hours to the next small town for a quick lunch to ourselves, and then feel guilty we took the time for us, and then we are back at it...... as you know my mom is in the hospital, now going on 9 days, last night Cathy and I were so tired, we had just gone to bed , almost asleep, and her cell phone rings, being a bit dozy by then and it in the other room we missed the call, then 2 minutes later our land line rings, and we are informed her mom took a serious fall and is at the hospital emergency room............... so up we get and in to town for another 3 hours ......... she had some slippery socks on and lost her footing, NOT like we spend MONEY on all sorts of safety stuff for them, anti slip socks, canes, fall protection etc, etc, and do they USE any of it?????????????????? the old girl is 90, BUT the slippery socks are warm and soft !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! JESUS!!!!!!!! Silliness like that kind of thinking just adds the stress to us, and it seems the our old folks fight us every step of the way...................... I'm sorry to hear of your dad's operation and the undue stress you will endure, and his timing sucks, still though , it makes me wonder if the old folks just don't want us to go anywhere so they feel secure??? Keep us posted, and use this thread to vent away....... I think we need a vent thread...... so this one can be it........ we will go nuts if we don't let it out..... my mom and dad have been 'independent' all their lives, now at 95 and 97, that is starting to bite us now.......unwillingness to try new things or embrace the good stuff that will help them......................................we are trying our best....... 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bomber_County Posted April 7, 2019 Share Posted April 7, 2019 Thanks Jeff for the thoughts. The trouble is my parents have always been selfish and self centred. Never really had a father and son relationship with him ever. That’s what’s makes it so damn difficult now as he becomes even more demanding. As for either of them knowing the words, please and thank you, forget about that one. We also have Glenda’s parents, both in their 80’s and house bound. Then add her sister who has ME+diabetes +++++++ no comment as she could get better if she tried.......what did Iwe do..... 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jeff Posted April 7, 2019 Author Share Posted April 7, 2019 1 minute ago, Bomber_County said: Thanks Jeff for the thoughts. The trouble is my parents have always been selfish and self centred. Never really had a father and son relationship with him ever. That’s what’s makes it so damn difficult now as he becomes even more demanding. As for either of them knowing the words, please and thank you, forget about that one. We also have Glenda’s parents, both in their 80’s and house bound. Then add her sister who has ME+diabetes +++++++ no comment as she could get better if she tried.......what did Iwe do..... I hear you loud and clear, Phil......I'm glad to know it just ins't Cathy and me, and yeah the DEMANDS are very loud, Cathy's mom rarely IF ever says thanks, and my dad is just the opposite, says "Thanks you very, very, very, very, very much", which to me is almost worse, as it seems somewhat condescending, oh and lest not even mention siblings................... I have 2 sisters who are Missing in Action, as cathy's sister who isn't helping and a bit of a pain in the A$$, THAT is a whole other subject, over a few dozen pints ! I guess it is our lot in life at the moment, I just hope when I get there I won't be as demanding or as painful........ this is a good lesson for me....... I just don't understand the want to DEMAND everything, all I know is IF I behaved like that I would be in so much poop....... Do as I SAY NOT as I DO ...... 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Martinnfb Posted April 12, 2019 Share Posted April 12, 2019 I will not bug you with my life and family that I left behind, yet after reading your stories guys, I am drifting into the memory lane, trying to summarize where did things go wrong in my past and what does it mean for my future. I would say the hardest part is to stay gentle and honest at the same time. You know , you can. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
harv Posted April 12, 2019 Share Posted April 12, 2019 I'm sorry Martin. I hope your life here is much better my friend . My father and me(actually all 5 of us kids) never had a great relationship growing up. Not that he didn't love us, just a busy navy man. But when my youngest brother died 17 yrs ago, he changed, well all of us did. He was much more involved in all of our lives, hugged more talked more.it was after that that our relationship changed. Then, after my mom died our relationship became the one I always wanted. Then a year after mom he passed. He never was a selfish person thank goodness. Ok, enough of that...... 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jeff Posted April 12, 2019 Author Share Posted April 12, 2019 9 hours ago, Martinnfb said: I will not bug you with my life and family that I left behind, yet after reading your stories guys, I am drifting into the memory lane, trying to summarize where did things go wrong in my past and what does it mean for my future. I would say the hardest part is to stay gentle and honest at the same time. You know , you can. Well, Martin, I'd say from knowing you as I do, you have the honesty, and gentleness well in hand , you have conquered that part quite effectively, and I sure didn't mean to bring anyone down, over this thread, but sometimes it is easier to write it down to friends who understand, than to 'talk' about it to local 'friends' who seem to give the trite answer comments.......also it is good to know that I ( we ) are not the only ones going through some "stuff". Right now Cathy and I are up to our noses in this stuff..... my mom is in the hospital and not doing very well, as I may have mentioned, my dad needs me to go over , make his lunch, then a couple hours later, take him to see mom ( he is 97) then come home and an hour or so later go back to his place and make him dinner, then I do the dishes, I come home, get the dog's dinner and her meds ( she has terminal cancer ) and after that get or help get our dinner...., and in the mean time Cathy's mom took a bad fall ( she is 90 ) and hit her head really bad, and she is in the hospital very dizzy, and can't go back home....... our daughter is trying to move and we are helping with that as well............ I 'm not complaining or looking for sympathy, it's just nice to have a spot to release some of the tension....... so I come here, to catch up on the lighter stuff, and have a coffee, then once that is done, I get on my horse and fulfill my daily routine..... so thanks guys, once again this is a great place to hang out..... 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jeff Posted April 12, 2019 Author Share Posted April 12, 2019 5 minutes ago, harv said: I'm sorry Martin. I hope your life here is much better my friend . My father and me(actually all 5 of us kids) never had a great relationship growing up. Not that he didn't love us, just a busy navy man. But when my youngest brother died 17 yrs ago, he changed, well all of us did. He was much more involved in all of our lives, hugged more talked more.it was after that that our relationship changed. Then, after my mom died our relationship became the one I always wanted. Then a year after mom he passed. He never was a selfish person thank goodness. Ok, enough of that...... Funny how a serious tragedy brings us humans down to earth , eh Harv....... seems that all the CRAP we worried about just doesn't matter, and it is people and relationships that count..... Cathy and I were talking about that the other day when we though we were going to lose my mom..... she was a huge worrier, and for what, and right now, NONE of any of it means anything...... I am so glad you got back with your dad, Harv.......that is really great........we humans are a funny lot...... not sure many of the other animal species treat each other like we do.................................... 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
harv Posted April 12, 2019 Share Posted April 12, 2019 My brother a year younger than I, passed last year. Now I have a sister who is 15 yrs younger than me ( I'm the oldest) and a brother 7 yrs younger left. The brother and I don't talk. Painful experience sorting the will after my parents passed. His wife keeps his "gems" in her purse ,if you know what I mean... Yes,I am thankful for me and my dads relationship. And my mom was THE worlds worrier ! She worried about everything. Drove my dad and us nuts. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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